How Homesickness Changed Me

Just to preface, this is a post I had released on my old website about my experience in college being homesick. I wanted to share it here so that I can maybe help someone who may be struggling through something similar~

Right in the middle of my freshman year of college, I started to feel like I didn't want to do school and be away from home. I felt like I couldn't do college. I felt like I wasn't capable. I didn't like the feeling. I started to get so confused because moving out-of-state for college was something I wanted to do, and it worked out because my first term went pretty well, but things suddenly felt different. As an introvert, I was enjoying figuring things out for myself and being more independent, but I started my second term not feeling that way. I started to get scared and felt like I shouldn't have been where I was so I broke down. I tried to come up with excuses for why I should just pack up and fly back home. I tried to find ways to go home because I felt like going home would fix my problem. I tried to convince my parents to let me come home and finish school back home, but they didn't let me. I was homesick.

Being homesick was one of my lowest points in life. It was also a time where I didn't feel the best for the longest time. Even though it faded out, it lasted for like 3-4 months. I didn't go home after trying to and it was hard. It was a time of uncertainty for me. In my head, I just remember thinking, 'I just want to go home but I can't, so where is this all going to go next?' But having gone through it had to be one of my most rewarding times. It's a time where I now realized that I was where I was for a reason and God had placed me there. I first heard that I was there for a reason through having conversations with my parents and a couple of other family members when I first started feeling homesick. I didn't feel like that or realized it till that season had passed, and I looked back on it. It was a time where I stepped out of my comfort zone, a time where I really started to form some of my closest relationships, and a time where I can now see that God was really with me during those times of difficulty. It was a time I realized that I can't get through things all by myself and that I need a good community to surround myself with. These things happened during that time when I didn't realize it.

I got to one part then just got stuck and didn't know where to go. I felt stuck, but I later realized that God had been guiding me to be where I am today. I didn't see it when I was going through that season but having my relationship with God helped me in the unknown. I always reflect back to that time and just think, if I had gone home, I wouldn't have made the friends I have now, I wouldn't have been able to see God work in my life, I wouldn't have realized how great of a community the campus ministry I joined was, I wouldn't have been able to meet my Java II crew or have met some of closest friends.' I felt stuck and didn't know where I was going, but I also didn't realize that some of the most important relationships in my life were forming.

I learned that when you're going through a tough season in your life, you can't go through it alone. It's a time where you need more support than you think. For me, I didn't want to talk about it with anyone or bring anyone in on what was happening, but God had placed someone on my heart to meet and talk to. It's honestly hard for me to speak a lot of things on my mind out loud, but I did it. Having that person during that season did so much for me. It got me out of my comfort zone to initiate a meetup and be open with someone. It also helped me form one of my closest friendships and I couldn't be more thankful. Props to my parents for making me stay and knowing that I would get through it all.

Learning that I can't get through everything alone helped me learn everything else. Life is meant to be shared with others, not alone. You'll find yourself constantly getting stuck over the same problem over and over again when you try to do things by yourself. What I got out of it is that God wanted me to have a community. Getting out of your comfort zone to make that happen is important even if you're an introvert like me. Even though I will probably always be someone who keeps a lot of things to myself, I most definitely will not be going through everything alone. Getting out of my comfort zone and making an effort to be more open with others will be something I will continue to work on, as it's important. Prayer or talking with God is also something that is important and is something I am continually working on.

Yea, there are sometimes I fall into a hole of troubled times or trials, but that is when you need Him more. There are times where I have lows in my relationship with God, but every time I go through and get out of it, I find out more about how God has worked in my life. My view changed when I figured out that I can't go through things alone even as an introvert. A tip to reaching out to others would be to first find someone you trust and would be willing to share things with. Once you find someone you trust, you just gotta go for it and initiate a time to meet up. It is hard to initiate, meetup, and share, but in doing so I have found that it has helped me grow as a person, and also realized life isn't meant to be done alone. I found that trying to do things alone won't get me far.

God places people in your community around you for a reason. Each of those people that I have been open with and has helped me are all people that I stepped out of my comfort zone to initiate a meetup. It is hard, especially in the beginning, but the more you do it the easier it gets. It gets easier to be open with each person the more you meet up with them and it gets easier to initiate that first meetup with someone else the more you do it.

Communicating with God also helped me through it all. For me, one thing that helped me initiate was having this urge to tell a specific person. I would have a feeling that felt like if I didn't initiate to meet up with a specific person then I would regret it. A bible passage to know is James 1:1-18. It talks about trials and temptations, and it's honestly a great reminder of how there are joys that come out of trials as it's so true because it is something I have experienced in my life. When I first read it, it reminded me of how I constantly remind myself in trials that I will get through it. Why? Because there is a reason I am going through what I am going through and there will be something that I take away from it and there will be something that will grow my relationship with God.

If I had any advice, it would be to talk with God, slowly start taking steps outside of your comfort zone, and don't go through things alone. Learning to talk with God and trusting Him in the process of life, has been something that I have been working on and it is so worth it. I have slowly learned that learning to trust Him, has led to so many joys and so many memories that I cherish. It led me to start and continue to work on getting out of my comfort zone and not going through things alone. Let Him guide you! Getting to know God isn’t something that happens overnight but He is someone you continually learn about in your lifetime and it's amazing!

I hope this made sense to you all and maybe it gave encouragement to one of you! Anyways, thank you for reading! Feel free to message me below about ideas, questions, or just about anything! I do update my Instagram about new posts, so don't forget to follow for the most updated information! Love Y'all <3

6.22.20